Holy week has given me pause to answer a request for an article on the personality behind this writer.
I have come to realize that some people have this need to dig deep into my soul in order to understand my writings.
It is true that getting to know a person virtually is more difficult in comparison to a regular physical meeting.
But there are other ways to get to know someone beyond the surface level. There are literary footprints that disclose a person’s inner world and online posts that disclose thoughts, goals, and dreams.
In this article, I will make things easier for the reader to know me by answering questions that most people are too embarrassed to ask.
UNIQUE NAME
JOJISILIA is a combination of my grandparents and parents names. I’d like to flatter myself by imagining that they were arguing over which of them will have their name carried by me. And probably, to stop the argument, everyone relented on combining all the names.
The truth is my mother had my name planned before I was born. She wanted a unique name that isn’t associated with any particular person, character, symbol or meaning. So, she came up with a combination of Jose (my grandfather), Jesus (my father), Sixta (my grandmother) and Emilia (my mother) to arrive at the name JOJESILIA.
I ended up with JOJISILIA simply because the birth registrar mispelled my name.
I found one big advantage of having a unique tag — I am not mistaken for someone else. If you Google JOJISILIA, you will always end up with me.
I came across a Kabalarian report analysis of the name JOJISILIA. It is surpringly accurate enough to share here.
“The name JOJISILIA creates a very quiet, practical nature. Being analytical and naturally studious, you are interested in a factual understanding of the mysteries of life and the universe.
You need to have an idea developed step by step because it is not easy for you to follow a line of thought when steps are left out. Your methodical mind requires consistency of thought for clarity of concept. Reading and research interest you. You could develop good powers of concentration as you can become completely absorbed in a subject to the exclusion of all else.
You like to finish what you start without interruptions, and also to have everything in its place and systematically organized. Being steadfast and trustworthy, you are recognized as a good worker who experiences satisfaction from accomplishment.
Since you are not overly conversational and tend to be matter of fact and candid in your speech, you wish many times that you could be spontaneous, expressive, and happy-go-lucky. Because of your reserved nature and self-consciousness, you find it easier to express your thoughts through writing than verbally. Being well prepared, though, helps you to express verbally.
You take life seriously and can be easily and deeply hurt. A misguided thought from someone can cause you to withdraw into your own thoughts for solace and comfort. At such times, you become moody and uncommunicative. You dislike crowds and prefer to limit social activities to a few close friends.
While you long for the affection and understanding of close association, and enjoy home and family, you also require freedom, as you are independent and need a certain amount of time on your own.
Although you do not often express your deeper feelings, you show your regard for others by what you do for them to create comfort and security.
Practical creativity appeals to you. You also enjoy the outdoors and activities such as hiking, and nature study.
Your desire for heavier foods, could bring weaknesses in health affecting the stomach or intestinal organs. You could also experience tension affecting the respiratory organs.”
SEXUAL ORIENTATION
This information may come as a disappointment, relief or neutral for you depending on your motivation for reading this part.
I am straight. To make it perfectly clear, I am female in thought, feelings and deed (or mind, heart and genital organs) since birth. I have no desire in the near or far future to change or enhance my private “equipment”.
I hope I have made my heterosexuality apparent enough because sometimes I am mistaken for a transexual; although my sister thinks transexuals nowadays are more convincing specimens of what females are suppose to look.
No kidding, there was one instance when two fast food employees debated whether I was a woman, gay or transexual in front of me at the service counter. I was too surprised and didn’t know how to react. Should I join in the debate? , should I start undressing?, or should I storm out of the food shop ?
I did the most sensible thing: I asked them if I can order food.
My gender ambiguity is something people constantly mention to me whether I am on the phone with clients who call me sir (I have a lower vocal register than most females) or email where clients address me as mister even if they saw the prefix “Ms” before my name on my office ID. They probably thought it was a typographical error because, according to them, I write like a male…whatever that means.
Androgynous, being partly male and partly female in appearance and having characteristics like voice and mannerisms that blur gender lines, I think that is your problem, my sister observed.
Well, not for long as recent studies indicate that there is a large shift towards androgyny in the next couple of years, both physically and mentally in today’s population, especially in regards to the demasculinization of men.
Meanwhile, I try to keep the appearance of a proper female the way society wants it during webinars (‘cuz they are my clients). That is minus the frilly decorations, wearing of heels, dresses , and heavy make-up.
I make work concessions like wearing my hair long and having clothes that emphasize the female curves because, as viewers say, these look good on camera.
Making concessions are also a way for me to show respect towards the people I work with who are generally conservative and still retain traditional views on major issues pertaining to men and women.
However, I find difficulty in making adjustments with regards to my thinking process. Most people say I think like a male because it is logical and unemotional. But whenever an empathetic male tells me my decision is insensitive, I know I have gone too far.
I am a bit radical in my opinion on male and female roles. I actually walk the tightrope between conformity and radicalism; but I diverge a teeny weeny bit more towards non-conformity — a gradual shift away from society’s compass so as not to shock people and alienate myself.
Society has a tendency to put women and men in boxes.
It tells women to choose. You are either pretty or smart. A mother or a career woman. Sporty or a fashionista.
It tells men to adopt extreme self-reliance, domination of other men through violence, avoid the appearance of femininity and suppress vulnerable emotions.
I condemn these acts. These are extremely cruel proclivities for those who call themselves humans.
I have personally been pressured to behave in more traditionally feminine ways by some people. This often goes against my nerdy nature, especially since I do not enjoy acting coquettish or wearing things like earrings, high-heels or frilly clothes – the types of things that are equated to femininity. I am generally awkward and geeky. These characteristics do not really fall under the clear-cut generalizations for females; they are somewhere in between male and female characteristics.
But why are we constantly choosing and worrying? Why is it that society thinks it’s impossible to be both? Why can’t we just be everything we want to be?
In today’s modern society, there is no need for traditional gender roles, because both men and women are able to do many of the same necessary tasks, thereby making gender-specific behaviors irrelevant.
Holding on to these stereotypes can be harmful because they motivate people to condemn and oppress those who do not fit the traditional gender roles. As a result of this oppression, many people develop mental problems, have an identity crisis and struggle to reach their full potential.
MARITAL STATUS
I am single. I have never been married.
If you ask why, the best answer would be timing, opportunity and interest didn’t converge in the past. However, I am not implying that it will remain that way for the rest of my life.
Raising children of my own does not appeal to me. On this point, I believe I don’t need to explain myself. Just because I have a womb doesn’t mean I need to get pregnant. There again is the radical part of me.
FAMILY
My mother and father are both deceased. I have one brother (the eldest) and one sister (second to the eldest) who live with me or rather we live in the same house.
The house where we live is under the name of my mother. The bill for utilities and annual payment for real estate tax is under her name.
I thank profusely my mother for her foresight. I am currently enjoying the fruits of her investments.
My mother’s financial genius is something I will discuss in a separate article.
All of the VILLAMOR family members are accountants. I am the divergent one because I am a graduate of AB Mass Communications.
RELATIVES
My mom was an only child in my grandmother’s first marriage. She had several half brothers with the second marriage of grandma to a man surnamed ROSALES.
With so many siblings, money was tight and not enough for school expenses. So, mama worked her way through college and learned early how to manage her finances.
Family reunions are usually conducted by relatives in the VILLAMOR side at Carmen, Cebu.
If the current mayor of Carmen is a Villamor, he is my relative. There is a running joke within the family that the only reason a VILLAMOR is elected mayor of Carmen is because more than half of the population of the town are relatives.
LOVE LIFE
I had 2 faux boyfriends and 1 real relationship.
One pretend boyfriend wanted to show his ex-girlfriend that he had moved on so I played along for a year until the ex got married.
The other fake boyfriend was the younger brother of one of DTI’s female auditors. I don’t know why she set us up but I found later that she is an authoritarian in her family and she usually chooses her brother’s girlfriends. The “zarzuela” lasted less than a year when the auditor discovered there was no “action” going on.
My real romantic relationship lasted for 6 years. I met my ex-boyfriend when we were cast to play lead characters in a school stage drama. The director found we had good chemistry onstage, so we were often together assuming major roles in stage plays. My ex was then juggling work as a lawyer and his love for theater. We separated when his ex-girlfriend reconciled with him. He passed away years ago.
GOD’S COPYWRITER
Not many people know that I survived a car accident unscathed when I was around 6 years old.
My mama, papa, sister, 2 family friends and I just came from a family reunion in Carmen, Cebu and was on our way home. The car that my mother was driving lost its brake as it went downhill. She had to smash the side of the car onto a coconut tree to keep it from falling into a ravine. The car flipped and turned turtle. Everyone in that car was hurt except me. As bystanders started pulling everyone out from the open car window, they noticed that I didn’t have a bruise nor a scratch.
If something like that happened to another person, people will call it a coincidence.
There are no coincidences in life. I just missed a signal from the universe without realizing it. In my second accident, the message was clearer.
By then, I was becoming more receptive to spiritual matters.
I began listening more keenly to this quiet voice within me; observing more closely the happenings around me.
I realized that where I am currently placed is where I am meant to apply my talent and offer my contribution.
I believe none of us are born to this life by happenstance.
As many philosophers say, we are more than our mind, more than our body. We are a soul experiencing a journey called life.
There’s a purpose for our creation.
When we are aligned with our purpose, everything in the universe aligns for us to fulfill that purpose.
Serendipity starts to occur.
We feel inspired regardless of our bank account, we feel significant regardless of our status in life.
When we know our why, we also know why we go through what we go through. We also know that when we have a big enough why to live, life starts happening for us, not to us.
When I was younger, I wrote to seek validation and approval, as well as cover the insecurity and inadequacy I felt inside.
Nowadays, my main reason to write is to inspire people to be better versions of themselves.
And if my writing enables people to start questioning the nonsensical messages around them that unfairly judges people according to skin colour, financial status, place of birth, body shape, facial features, age, gender, a way of speaking or carrying themselves, then I have already accomplished my life purpose.
There is a lot to gain from stepping outside of the negative “norm.” It helps create a magnificent jewel of a life worth living and a much more loving and accepting world.
DIVINE ANSWER
My ride through life has so far been an incredible journey, I really couldn’t be happier to be alive.
And if there is one major thing I’ve learned from my experiences, I was brought here in this particular time and in this manner in order for me to write clearly and elegantly the ideas and feelings you struggle to articulate.
Yes, you are why I am here. You are the reason why I am writing this article.
I’m not a fluke. There are no coincidences in life.
Prime mover knows you are in the midst of a dilemma, a fork in your soul journey, so to speak.
Providence has heard the pleas of your heart. It is here now responding to your prayers via a situation, a person or this article – whether you are aware of it or not.
“You must make a choice to take a chance if you want anything in your life to change.”
Who knows, this “angel-in-training” was sent here to inform you that the whole Universe has got your back.
“It only takes one tiny light to break the darkness inside.“
Be still and listen to this higher power deep within you. Trust that supreme energy will lead you to wisdom and towards the highest good for all.
Shalom Aleichem (peace to you).
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